by Stacy Riedel
What's this Twitter shit?
OK, I'm not going to pretend I'm above social network sites. I write a blog, for Christ's sake. You pretty much relinquish all claim to modesty and privacy when you write about how close to your crotch your dog sleeps. I get it that I'm not in any position to judge those who Twitter. But I'm going to anyway.
I fell into the Myspace trap long ago. I had just moved to Milwaukee and was feeling out of touch with my buddies back in Vegas. Myspace was just the solution. I got to see their photos and read the inside jokes and it was like I never left, despite me not getting any of the inside jokes or being in any of the photos. I did my part. Uploaded my new life's happenings and made sure the world knew I was not dead over here and I wasn't going to fade off into the nebula of obscurity. I refuse to be irrelevant. Don't turn your nose at that. I'm you, only out loud.
You'd think that was enough for me, but then Facebook became all the rage. My buddy Dave called Myspace a "tween vehicle" and it was time to graduate to the big time. I resisted, but he was right. Facebook has a much cleaner design and easier to navigate layout, not to mention the accessibility to other people's personal information is much improved. Now and again you see Myspace pick up Facebook-isms and put their spin on it, but basically if you don't have a band there's no need for an account there. Since Karaoke singing does not constitute an actual band, I have mostly retired my Myspace life. You could say Facebook murdered it.
Frankly I'm pretty satisfied with Facebook. I see no reason to go breaking up with it at this point. What could Twitter offer that Facebook does not? I keep hearing Oprah, et al. talk about how great it is to give constant personal status updates. Isn't this all I do on Facebook all day anyway? Oprah shushes me and says, "Yes, but you can also see what other people are up to, too." Yeah, no doy, Oprah. Facebook basically invented that. "Yes, Stacy, but Twitter uses cool words like Tweet." Oh, Oprah. I use cool words like Twat, but you don't see anybody dumping Facebook for me.
EVERYBODY is Twittering. Every freaking body. I don't get it. This is what makes it lame, from where I sit. Do I really want to be that few degrees away from Shepard Smith? Don't I not want to be addicted to the same shit Kathie Lee Gifford is? Isn't it pretty much the 45 and up crowd's version of social networking? Isn't the target audience for Twitter the same crowd who thought the Jitterbug cell phone was a tempting purchase? I could be wrong. It could get awesome and I'll be tweeting till I'm blue in the fingers. But for now, isn't it kind of like when my mom starting saying stuff was "the bomb?" i.e. weird?
It's fine. Please go ahead and try it if it so interests you. I understand the appeal of being part of the pack. But perhaps you should be questioning which pack most appeals to you. The one that Connie Chung and Maury Povich use to chronicle their lovemaking? ("You ARE the father.") Or the one your really sweet-ass friends use to display photos of you passed out in a cop car last weekend? I think there's no contest here, folks. You'll be back.
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