by Kati L. Dowling
Britney’s new album, CIRCUS, just came out yesterday and while I haven’t listened to a single new cut off of it and this post has pretty much nothing to do with it… I don’t care, I LOVE her. What’s that? If I don’t love Britney for her music, what could I possibly love her for? OK, ok,ok,ok,ok,ok,ok. Her music speaks to me – synthesized, electronic, fake, this-is-my-voice-when–my-nose-has-a-clothespin-on-it and all. I dance to it in my living room, I dance to it on a tomb, I dance to it in my chair, I dance to it everywhere.
SMART CAREER MOVE NUMBER ONE: She’s reconnected with Larry Olsen which was a very wise career decision, Brit Brit. I mean, did you SEE that Brit documentary on Monday? It was perfectly released the week of her new album drop, perfectly making her out as a victim, perfectly making her perfect like Jennifer Aniston in Picture Perfect, Mark Wahlberg in The Perfect Storm, and other things related to perfect (Stacy’s hair, vanilla pudding, my abs at a fat camp, etcetera). Larry Olsen = perfect PR stunt creator.
SMART CAREER MOVE NUMBER TWO: She can dance and she’s only getting better. With all the smoke and mirrors, we’ll never realize she can’t actually carry a tune!
ALSO, she’s INSANE! How can you not love that? She’s insane and we can’t get enough of her. That makes us insane, people. She is you and you are her. Hating her is hating yourself which canNOT be healthy for your soul. In which case, you better Feng Shui the heck out of yourself A S A P (why can’t we spell things the way they sound like ‘Feng SCHWAY’ or ‘O Contrare MOO Frare’ or ‘Geetar’)?
Now I know there are those of you who’ll find it necessary to secretly in the shadows debate this with me. When you do, don’t you dare bring up all that old stuff like ‘remember when she shaved her head?’ or ‘’ ’member when she ran off and married that dude in Vegas for a day?’ or ‘She lost custody of her kids to K-FED!’ or ‘Dude, she screwed over JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE.’ Well, who HASN’T done ALL of these things? And doesn’t this just prove she’s HUMAN? I’m so sick of Alicia Keyes and Beyonce doing responsibly wholesome things like giving to third world countries and having really nice teeth and…stuff like that. Just awful. (I love you both).
Besides, none of these previous mishaps matter anymore. I loved her then and I love her now: The new Britney. I shall ring her in with the New Year. And whether you personally love or hate her (how DARE you), you had better get used to seeing that cute, demure face in S&M gear because I guarantee you’ll be seeing a whole slew of her in 2009.
A HOLE SLOO.
That kind of sounded like a mini-insult against Beyonce, and I think you know where I stand on this issue. This Saturday: Christmas Party: You and me: Parking Lot: FISTICUFFS.
I will forgive Britney when she pushes a wiener dog around in a stroller. That's all I'm saying.
Posted by: Stacy Riedel | December 04, 2008 at 10:14 AM